I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
