i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
