Ketchup is God's man juice
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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