Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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