Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
