Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
