So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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