I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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