Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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