small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
