I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
the raccoons are back...
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