Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We got so high we made milksteak
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
