The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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