Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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