I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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