and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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