drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
