I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
