If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize