She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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