In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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