I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wanna go halves on a baby?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
