This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
