I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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