Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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