went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize