Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
