You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
