thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize