I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
