Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
