But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
