Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
