You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
