we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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