so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
