Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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