Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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