doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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