Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
