you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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