If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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