did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
