I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Randomize
