Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
