Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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