Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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