Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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