9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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