lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
