I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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