she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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