I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
