I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
