so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
