Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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