I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
