I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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