you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
