What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize