my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
