who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
