I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.