Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
